That my future is going to be lonely. I’m Actually Really fucking terrified.
It took me so long to make friends when I moved to secondary school but I had much more confidence, then. In primary school I made friends easily. I was happy and bright.
I’m terrified for my future. Everything I do, I’m always “average” at; below average, even. It didn’t use to be like this.
I don’t make freinds easily and it takes takes a long time for me to be myself around people I meet, they often leave before that time, ditching me for new people.
And you know what’s worse?
The thought that- even if I do make amazing friends, do gain confidence, do get the career I long for- that I’ll never be satisfied.
That I’ll always find the flaws. That the little voice in my head is never going to leave. That’s so much worse.
I’m not sure what to do. I’m scared for my future. It’s going to be lonely and boring, I can feel it. Not meeting people’s expectations? Failing?
That is unbearable.
I miss the comfort of my old life before I moved to secondary school, years ago. Decently good at things, smarter than many others. Happy with a best friend I loved more than the world. I’m just terrified I’ll never be that… comfortable and happy in my life, even again.
I guess I shouldn’t’ve taken it for granted.