my boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months now and everything seems to be “okay”
that seems to be the problem though, it’s just okay! i don’t know what is wrong with me. I think someone/something is telling me that he isn’t for me, but I don’t want to live with regrets. I truly don’t know what to do. I think the saddest part of this is that i love his family. I made so many memories with him in a short span of time and I have created such an amazing bond with his family + dogs, as well. I don’t know if this is God telling me that I need to be more bold / more content, but, nonetheless, I am very bothered by it. I am jealous of those who are in a relationship where their boyfriend seem to care for them so much they’d go crazy if they lost ’em. I know he wouldn’t care as much if he lost me because he’ll find someone new. I truly don’t feel special and that’s really what’s hurting me. Not because of the idea of me not being special, but I seem to be okay with it.
And it all comes down to things being “okay.” I don’t want to be just okay, I want to bet legitimately happy. I know that me gaining weight and not looking the way I want to look definitely has lowered my self esteem by a lot, but I know that I deserve the world. With him, though, I seem to be content with things.
Am I suppose to be just content? Am I suppose to be just… okay?