Not feeling particularly better today, been thinking so much about you and our relationship, your business, the things you need to work on. I have insecurities, I’m afraid you’re already dating and found someone already.
I’ve reread our conversation from last Monday and Friday, over and over again. Tears after tears, I would keep reading because I want to truly hear you. I’m sorry you’ve given me so many chances and yet each time I would not take it as seriously as I should of. Your need of space to work on your business, the type of lifestyle you want to live, gym, workout, eat healthy, the need for me to be independent and not rely on you for everything, the way I make you pay for our dinners. I am selfish, and disrespectful, I’m sorry to have put you through that.
I thought I was strong enough to break things off but our EDC trip brought back all the memories we have with each other. All the new experiences we created and shared with each other, I remember so vividly. From our first rave together, Beyond Wonderland 2014, to Ultra Miami 2015, Audio On the Bay, EDC 2015, Escape from Wonderland 2015, EDC 2016 and now EDC 2017, I had never wished to have spend it with anyone else other than you.
Exactly 3 years ago from today, we started dating and it’s been a rollercoaster ride. You’ve taught me so many new things, were always by my side to pick me up physically and mentally. I regret for not truly hearing you and respecting you when you needed it most. When you went through difficult times with your Aunt’s trial, I’m sorry you felt I didn’t care, because I thought you just needed space. I’m bad at making people feel better, especially tough times like this. I hope you know you and your family were in my thoughts everyday during the trial.
I admit, when we met, I was 21, young, dumb, inexperienced. I didn’t have much to offer, except to bring you to experience new things, explore, see the world, try different drugs, but I believe that opened new realms and perspectives for us, both individually and together.
I loved you when I was 21, and I still love you till this day. If we were to be given another chance, I’d know what you would need from me…I’d be more supportive in the things you want and need to do, give you the space to accomplish your goals, and live a healthier lifestyle..
I may not have been vocal for the past few years, but I am very proud of your accomplishments, especially getting Ben and Alex into college. You got to see the follow through, and I’m sure it is gratifying and makes it all worth it. All those long and stressful nights, they could not have done it without you, and that’s what I love about you. You have a really kind heart, and you want to do right by people.