My How Things Have Changed

It’s amazing how things have changed since I last wrote in my journal. I have been given freedom from my obsession with my ex and I no longer live under the fear of him popping up on any given day. I have worked hard and I have prayed and I have handed it over to God time and time again and one day, God said ok. I was walking with my daughter and my ex through the store and all of a sudden I was granted a moment of clarity. A moment during which I looked at him and it became very clear – we were never meant to be together. In no way, shape or form would we choose one another now. And that was it. From that day I have not obsessed over him or worried about what he is doing. When he went to jail I didn’t check every day to see if he had emailed or send him money so he could have extra things. When he got out and he didn’t call my daughter I wasn’t devastated for him I was only concerned for her and her disappointment at yet another failed attempt to trust her father. I have begun dating again, or at least getting to know some people with the intentions of dating. I finally feel like I can move forward completely, freely. I have no broken heart or lingering feelings that will make my future boyfriend question my loyalties. I have no fear of my ex finding out who I am dating and getting angry. I live my life for me and my children and for God. I live every day knowing true freedom. I had no idea how much this drained me and consumed me until it was gone. What a glorious thing to be able to move on!

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