The Butlins Life

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The lonliness is weird. ​

I have thousands of people around me but still feel alone.​

The loneliness is what bothers me. it’s the wondering of How I can have people I call friends but don’t trust them with my fears and emotions.​

The job isn’t the problem I think it’s me that’s the problem. I think I need to start letting people in otherwise I’ll be the girl with all the friends but with tears that are always behind the eyes.​

Everyone keeps asking to be let in but for some reason I just can’t they can use anything I say against me and I’m not having people having something over me.​

I’m determined to make this time different make myself the person that everyone can talk to with their problems but don’t need to know mine.​

I’m starting a fresh I hope.​

But trust is a very strong word that I will never say to someone as my feelings are strong on every subject I don’t want to be singled out because of what my head says. people would treat me different, people will look at me different and I won’t be able to deal with that.​

Maybe this time I’ll actually let someone in. Someone to see my mind, I’ll give them the key to my worst nightmares, to my fears. But if I do they will be a special kind of person, someone who I can trust, someone who I know won’t hold any of my fears or feelings against me. someone I want to call my own. If this person comes along they must be very special.​

People don’t understand how scary it is to actually let someone in the mind. Especially mine. It can go to far away places that no one could dream of.​

We will just have to wait and see​

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