money problems.

Money is rather tight for us now because my dad messed up when he tried to send us some. The rent is due in nine days though, so that’s $720 that we might have to borrow from my brother. Our electricity bill is normally around $80, I would guess.

It feels awful to not be able to contribute… I can’t even explain it. Of course, I could find a job somewhere (probably some shitty diner or store forty minutes away from my house), but my parents have told me that they don’t want me to do that since they want me to focus on school and getting into college. But I feel really useless, anyway.

So it’s not like we’re… poor, exactly, but we’re not rich, either, and I don’t really even know if we would classify as being “middle-class”. Actually, I think we’d be considered a weird sort of poor since we can’t afford a car, but we have most “modern conveniences” like working internet and cell phones and a laptop (which is shitty and probably infected with malware, just saying), and we can eat and stuff and we all have clothes to wear. I don’t know, it’s a weird sort of in-between life. My dad doesn’t even actually have a job. So…

I don’t even know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, I’m bored. I have to buy a new sketchbook because I’m getting tired of drawing on lined paper, which can be a little too hard for shading. It’s not like I’m good at shading anyway, but my pencil isn’t decent either so my awful sketches look even worse because they have no depth at all. I would also like some nicer pencils, as well as a really thin pen that doesn’t make those weird little dot-flecks of ink like my ballpoints do.

I also read some dumb creepypasta. I don’t even know why I bother. They’re gross and detailed, but they’re not as scary as scary videos and scary images. Okay, scratch that, they’re still scary.

I’m scared of school starting up again, just because I don’t want to think about anything or do anything. I also have done nothing related to school in the longest time, other than finishing my summer reading book (which was beautiful and tragic, but which I don’t feel like annotating at all) and doing some half-assed SAT prep.

The trailer for The Shape of Water makes the movie look so cool.

All I want to do is draw, go on Tumblr, sleep, and listen to sad and emotional Sam Smith songs while reading overly tragic and traumatizing Harry Potter fics.

I should get a new mouse. This mouse is malfunctioning: the left click becomes right click all the time, and the page goes up when you scroll down. Or maybe the laptop is just shitty and it’s infested with malware that makes everything malfunction. Very likely.

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