I want. I need.

Previously hand-written on 2/12/17

Sober.

I want an easier life.  I want no debt so I can have a job with less responsibility.  I think I’d feel better.

I want to look better but get so upset when I work out because I am so pathetic.

I wish happiness was easier for me.

I’m a burden.  I offer nobody anything. I really don’t matter to anyone.  If people think highly of me it’s because They don’t really know me.  It’s a lie.  It’s false.

I want “so and so” to openly love me and get over his constant insecurities. Things could be so good if he would just let go and not assume the worst intentions of me.  I never wish him ill and just crave happiness together.  It’s always been him and I wish he’d trust in that and try again.

 I hope I can get my passion back at work and with others.  I crave hiding in my apartment.

If I had my debt paid off I could maybe take an easier job but that won’t happen for a while.

I need help.  My meds are failing me.  I can’t fathom battling these thoughts the rest of my life.

 

dysfunctional thoughts

no hope

no looking forward

weighed down with fear

I can’t go on

burden too great

no quality of life

benefit nobody

alone always

someone help me

nobody can

everyone has someone

other priorities they have

in their life with meaning

hold me

kiss me

promise it will be OK

false sense of security

why can’t I ground myself?

be my own anchor

provide my own calm

I lack the strength

I lack the will

I lack

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