I never kept up with these journals like I said over a year ago, also reading the only two entries I made I realised how I was feeling so confident in getting things sorted. Turns out things got worse and I got stuck in a cycle of bad. It’s difficult to beat the cycle, I want to but then again maybe its got to the point that I don’t feel I even can be happy?
I don’t make things easy for myself, it’s like having two sides to yourself. One side of me, let’s call her Annie. Annie is the side of me that whispers to me when I’m at my lowest:
“You don’t belong here”
“They don’t like you”
“Your being used”
Cute things like that just brimming me in confidence… Then there is Alice. Alice is confident, maybe too much and sometimes hurtful towards other people. I was going to write what she would say but it’s more of what she does.
Now Annie and Alice are both me. I just wish my feelings could just meet in the middle a bit more, either on a high or on a low. And heck none of this is even going to make any sense its just crazy rambles.
Happiness of the Day: Watching the Rain with little Cat