My hands stink of ham and cheese. There are approx. four new zits on my face. I can’t feel my feet.

Mum and I got to the restaurant at 12:15. Fifteen minutes early. I was introduced to Dean, a bald guy smelling of cheap old-school deodorant wearing chucks and a silver necklace around his neck. I was ordered to help others sweeping the floor. Soon after, I was at the counter peeling garlic, chopping squid, then grating ham, cheese and mushrooms. Around two o’clock my boss (the owner, the guy who makes pizza) brought me a pizza which made me so glad. I knew I was going to be eating there, but I still felt touched.

There wasn’t really much for me to do at the kitchen, so they moved me over to the bar where, with a couple of my age I attempted to shine the glasses. I stuck to washing them instead. Then I was told to shine the cutlery, then to grate some ham again.

We finished around 10 o’clock. I had been thinking of approaching Ian, a tall, light-haired guy working as a waiter, for at least 3 hours. I had intended to start small-talk about the dragon tattoo on his right arm but I, to say it politely, pussied out.

There are a few things from today that I think will stay in my memory for a long time. The first and the most striking one of them is the face Dean made when he took the first drag out of his (most likely) twentieth Chesterfield Red today. He sucked the smoke in, squinted his eyes lightly and frowned in what seemed like pleasure. It all happened in a blink of an eye. For a reason, I was mesmerised.

The second thing is the appearance of the boyfriend of the couple from the bar. He had blue eyes, brown hair and the most sincere juvenile smile.

The third thing is the light panic attack I had when I was looking for the house of my mum’s aunt, and I thought I couldn’t find it. I was alone in the dark, with only a bag of peanuts, my phone, my wallet, and Dean’s “Goodbye, have a nice night!”, that he said to me when I was leaving his car, still in my ear. I did end up finding it though.

I’m laying in a room separate of where my mum’s aunt and her granddaughter are. They’re speaking quite loudly, and I just heard the girl say, “But grandma, like, don’t ever die.” Her grandma said, “I won’t.”

Speaking of which, my uncle’s father died today. Barely knew the man, he was a heavy smoker.


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