where i want to be but this is where i am

its been hard these past few weeks. ive given up drugs and alcohol but there are still days where i want to just give into the cravings and walk out of here, but then i think about the progress that im made in the last month. i have come pretty far from where i was. I have no where else to go if i do leave here theres no one who will take me in I would have to live on the streets or worse the shelters around here in this shitty town or whatever you want to call it. I would also be giving up my child, because i know for a fact that i wouldnt see him at all if i wasnt here. so for real this place has saved me from myself and from everything bad out there, At least here i have people who care whether i get up and out of bed in the morning people who care about how im feeling who are there to listen when i want to talk. Which i want to do more of because im realizing that i cant do it on my own even though ive been trying, recovery just doesnt work like that. I want to be sober already for years but im at 30 days today. i want to have a job but my job right now is not to relapse and focus on putting the skills and lessons im learning to use, i want to have my own place but right now im living in a community home, theres 4 different people living in this house and it can feel crowded at times but most times im glad that theres other people here and not just me. I feel better knowing that theres others around I dont feel so lonely and like im going through this alone, because i know that they have or are going through the same thing as I, but im here and i cant wait till im where i want to be in life. 

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