I spy with my little eye

 Given we have an infant a lot of my meetings and discussions including counselling happen at our home. It’s easier to baby down for a sleep and free me up to talk and go through all the emotions I need too.

 I’ve noticed sometimes when I have discussions with my counselor that my husband will come home and discuss, clarify or raise some of the things I’d been talking about that very day. I’m not a believer in coincidences and it started to play on my mind a bit. I mentioned it to my counselor who had noticed similar in her one on one sessions with my husband. 

 His job is one that exposes him to crime, fraud, liars and cheats so I know he’s experiences in surveillance and information collecting so it should come as no surprise if he has bugged the house. I mean that’s the ultimate form of control right? Since this realization dawned on me I’ve started conducting all my meetings and counselling sessions, phone calls and catch up’s outside or at an alternative location to my house. I’ve noticed that  now my husband questions me constantly. Who was that on the phone, What are you doing today, what did you discuss in your counselling session. He also said ‘I feel like you holding things back from me’. Next thing I notice he’s hanging his coats out to ‘Air out’ right above the table outside. I didn’t think twice about it and met a friend and had a chat outside. That night things I discussed with my friend were woven into my husbands conversations. I was perplexed how uncanny his timing for discussion was and then I clicked. So now his coats are always brought in.

 This feels like I’m in a movie. Seriously. You know the type of movie where an informant is bugged for the big CIA corporation and they use the recorded data to bring down the baddies – Except it’s the wrong way round.  

 I’ve always wondered why my husbands takes EVERY. SINGLE. PHONE CALL outside. Doesn’t he want to be recorded himself – or he worried I have copied him and put recording devices about the place too?

 It’ll be interesting to see if I find any bugs about the place. Would I be surprised – No. Would I be upset – Yes. I feel like it’s such an invasion of my privacy. 

 It’s making me feel like a paranoid person. Apparently there are ways of bugging your phone too. This has introduced me to a new level of awareness. Constant awareness about what I say and do. Good in a way because it’s making me incredibly mindful but seriously – What does it say about the state of our relationship of this is how little I trust my husband?

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