Gross

I have a drinking problem.  Not like I’m an alcoholic or anything but when I drink I can’t just have one beer or one cocktail.  It’s always, I gotta drink to get drunk.  Then it usually causes major problems for me…like sleeping with random people, dui’s, doing/saying stupid things that I regret later.  This time it was a case of me being so drunk I forgot to take my tampon out before sex and I guess they shoved it way up in there and I finally got to the doctors today to take it out.  Ugh gross.  I was worried about toxic shock syndrome but apparently that’s not as common as people think.  My doctor told me that one girl had a tampon “lost” inside her for a month!  So that’s the lovely thing I’ve been dealing with for the past few days.  Besides work being a pain in the ass and that problem I’ve been stressed out like crazy.  I went out for “one” beer with some coworkers the other day and it turned into like 4 drinks and two shots.  I ended up throwing up in the bathroom at the bar and even then I ended up going home with some random.  He was nice enough but he was no Tyler.  I just don’t want to completely rely on Tyler because we’re not official.  I’m scared something is going to happen and then when he’s gone I’ll have nobody.  In fact today I realized how much I really like him.  I was going on a run which was a bad idea because it was 100 degrees out and Tyler had just started working for Lyft is already addicted to it because it’s easy money.  We had made plans to go mini golfing tonight and I had texted him jokingly that he wouldn’t want to go anymore cause he would be thinking about Lyft the whole time.  Then he texted back that there was a concert going on and that he could make a bunch of money tonight.  He texted back that it was a joke but it still kind of made me sad because I actually thought he really would cancel to do that job.  I mean he’s already doing it so much and he’s go so many other jobs going on I feel like I’ll never really get to see him anymore.  I’ve just never felt this way about anyone and haven’t really felt this vulnerable in so long that I’m legit scared.  I don’t want to get hurt so I’m trying my hardest to keep this wall up but it’s also getting in the way of me really enjoying myself.  I just like him so much it scares the shit out of me.  So tonight I guess we’re still on for mini golf and thank god I have a few anxiety pills left.  I want to be excited but I feel like every time I’m just waiting for something to go wrong. 

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