Empty

It is times like these when I feel.

The deepest

introspective

invasive

                                                       thoughts

 

 

I yearn for things I never actually have had. I try my hardest to create what is in my mind. I hold the picture frame still and focus to make my path clear and the vision reinforced and strengthened. 

Still people miss the important things

the little                                things

 

I yearn for a partner. 

A hand to hold. A person to hug. a kitchen filled with giggles and laughter. A person to cry on and or with. Someone who annoys the hell out of me when I am irritable. A smell.. of them. 

 

Home

 

I want to turn over and know I am loved in bed. I want someone who motivates me and makes me want to be a better person. 

 

Love

 

I grow but it seems I am farther from this vision. There are many to which have progressed. 

I want a family. There have been some in times past that have been my family. Have shown me family. However, they themselves have passed. I feel like my heart is in a vice grip. 

So many feel what I do but continue on this dull mindless path through life looking for false love and popularity. I want someone who loves. Who talks. Who wont walk at the first sight of trouble. 

A hand to hold for unity

A chest to hug for solidarity with arms aimed to protect me at my most vulnerable state.

Tears to shed together as we both trust one another with our inner most secrets, insecurities and hurt.

A bed to where we rest each night knowing should we pass in our sleep, our hearts were filled with the most love because we were together. 

What is sleep was a death in of itself. The escape from a tormented reality. When we lay next to one another and fall asleep, we escape together to dimensions unknown. To know we were each others choice and will be each and every day, is a power all it’s own, in every way.

I fight and I fight. I fail and I fail. 

I don’t want someone when I am at the top. The only way to go is down. I was some one on my climb. At my side. I want to know the top with an unwavering soul and I want to know when the time comes to descend from the peak we will happily take that path together. I grieve a love I haven’t ever known.

I am redefining the man of my dreams to be the man of my reality. 

(please no “come to jesus, or scripture comments)

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