What’s Wrong With Me

So there’s this guy that I’ve been really feeling since I started school In February. I don’t know what it is about him that draws me to him, but I can’t shake him. For the first few weeks, I keep it a secret that I liked him. Then I decided to tell my friends how I felt about him and I think that was my biggest mistake. I didn’t know anything about this boy but I knew that I wanted to be with him. My friend and I decided to help each other out. She said if I told the boy she liked that, she liked him she would tell the boy I liked that I liked him. So after I told the boy she liked about her, she told the boy I liked how I felt. Now see the thing is that I’m very shy when it comes to telling boys how I feel because I hate rejection. After my friend and the guy had a conversation, I texted her and asked her what did they talked about, she said that he had a girlfriend, but she said that me and him could be friends. Now after my friend told me he said that, my feelings were hurt and I wanted to cry but I wouldn’t let her know that, so I decided that I was going to try and take him from his girlfriend. 

So I got his number from his friend and that’ when everything went downhill from there. I texted him and told him Hey it blah blah blah. He said he I know that you’re not trying to make a move but, I have a girlfriend and I really care about her and I just have to put that out there, so people don’t get the wrong idea. See how much he cared about his girlfriend made me wanted to be with him even more. So I texted him and told him that I understand and that it was no hard feelings between us. 

A couple of weeks passed and I stop talking to him in school and I didn’t text him after that. I don’t know why I stopped talking to him but I did. The young adults in my class thought it was funny and cool to make jokes about me liking him. He would get so mad and yell and I would get embarrassed and walk out the class. One day I decided to text him and clear the air. We talked about how I didn’t want him to think I was ok with what the class was saying and he said he was cool and he knows it wasn’t my fault. Then I talked to him about how I didn’t like that he talked to my friends but not to me. After we texted on that Friday, he came to school with a whole new attitude and started talking to me and I started talking to him and that went on for like a week and a half. Then one day I didn’t come to school and my friends texted me and told me they heard something about me and they told me that the boy, I liked had told the people in a group that he was in, that I texted him all the time and he doesn’t reply. 

Now after hearing that, that should have been my clue to leave him alone but I didn’t. I came to school the next day and I didn’t speak to him or any of his friends. That went on for a couple of days and I was happy with it. Then the following Monday, he walked up to me and friends and was trying to have a conversation with us, but I was trying my hardest to ignore him but I couldn’t so I answer the question and he left. I texted him like an hour later and told him not to talk to me or to touch because he has a girlfriend and I’m thirsty. After that, me and him didn’t talk for a whole month after that. When I say it was awkward it was awkward. When ever he was talking to his friends, and I would walk over he would walk away and vice versa. That whole time we weren’t talking, I was thinking about him and I wanted to talk to him so bad but I know that that wasn’t cool because he has a girlfriend. 

So one day me and my friends were standing on the corner debating on where we were going to go to get our nails done. My friend told me to turn around and then she put her hands over my eyes and I’m trying to figure out what is wrong and she was like I don’t want you to get more upset. When I heard his voice and he said hey guys this is my GIRLFRIEND. My jaw almost hit the ground and I almost cried right there on the corner. I acted liked it didn’t bother me but it did and I tried to brush it off but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

Then one day when I was drunk, I texted him and told him my whole feelings and How I felt about the whole thing between us and he didn’t reply. When he seen me at school, he would walk the other way and he would try to avoid me in the hallway and I wouldn’t way anything to him because I felt like a complete asshole and a weirdo. A week after that he was in a group project with my friend and he started asking questions about me and then when my friend didn’t show up to school to do her half of the project, he thought it was cool to talk to me. Now, whenever I try to get over him he seems to come right back around and make me want to do something stupid and forget all common sense. 

I don’t know what is wrong with me when it comes to him, I either want to kiss him or punch him in the face and forget that he evens exists. I think I need help or maybe I just need to move far away from him. 

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