I really don’t wanna go to work today.  I’m not proud to say I’ve already called in sick and I had to kill off my uncle to do so.  It was the only excuse that seemed viable at the time.  It’s just been so unbearable and I’ve already gone through all my anxiety pills and I just had them refilled 10 days ago.  I haven’t felt any motivation to do anything lately.  It could be because I’ve been nauseous almost every day for the past 3 or 4 days.  I think it’s maybe because I’ve been taking new meds and mixing alcohol with them.  I can’t be pregnant because I just finished my period.  I dunno hopefully today will be better.  Even though I got zero hours of sleep last night and didn’t really feel rested yesterday either.  I saw Tyler again last night.  It was weird this time.  We had made plans to go to Sf on Tuesday but when I came over he said he got the days mixed up and it was actually today and then he said he was going to Lyft while he was over there…so basically I feel like he never really intended for me to go?  Then he was telling me about one of his Lyft rides where this girl was on ecstasy and was rubbing his hair and invited him in her house after.  He told me he said no but what was the point of even telling me that?  Then, all we did was watch a movie and cuddle.  We didn’t even have sex even though when I left he was hard.  But when I showed up he was in the shower…so did he have sex right before I got there and that’s why he wasn’t interested in having sex with me?  Or am I being weird about everything and overthinking?  Ugh, I dunno.  This is why I like being closed off because when I start liking someone I get all crazy like this and I don’t like it.  So basically I’m tired and unsatisfied today and I know work is going to drag on and I already don’t want to go.  He did mention going to sf on Thursday but I have a sneaking feeling something will come up…I’m seriously thinking about calling in sick again today but all I would do is sit around and be depressed.  At least I should be depressed at work and get paid?  I just don’t have a valid excuse for calling in sick…I mean damn I already killed a family member.  Ugh.  Today’s going to suck.

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