Even In Death

I seem to be ill with something but I’m not sure what! Last time I wrote here I was really, really struggling and then I forget to take my medication that night…then I’m up in the night unable to settle and wondering why I’m feeling so wound up and wondering why my mind is latching onto my recent experience with family courts. Yesterday morning I found the tablet on the mantle piece 🙁 Urgh. So I also ended up having a bad day yesterday too…I couldn’t just take the medication there and then as it’s quite sedative in its effect, I wouldn’t have been able to function that day or look after Harry.

My mum had to go have a stomach endoscopy at the hospital yesterday anyway so her and my dad were away from the house from about half one till six that evening. Caring for Harry completely alone (which is most days as my mum has heaps of medical appointments after her successful battle with cancer plus she goes on lots of days out with her friends) usually forces me into action and I concentrate on looking after Harry. I gave Harry dinner and fortunately he ate well! Whole little can of spaghetti hoops and three servings of cheese…and a random half a banana as he requested it himself. There wasn’t any more spaghetti for me so I found a can of chicken soup and warmed that up for myself. By that time mum and dad arrived home. Dad struggles to cope with going out now so he immediately went to bed and couldn’t stay awake. Before going out to collect in the washing from the line outside I heard my mum (who had to be sedated for the stomach endoscopy) begging dad to get her a can of chicken soup…I’d obviously told her I’d had a can so she wouldn’t have to worry about feeding me when she returned and she said she felt like eating chicken soup too…she’d been nil by mouth since 9am for the endoscopy so she was begging dad saying she was very hungry and hadn’t eaten all day…hanging out the clothes I decided oh what the hell I can go get her the soup, dad can’t cope with going out, I can drive, I have my card I’ll go.

I wasn’t feeling well; I felt hot and my stomach was really hurting me but I rushed off in the car whilst my mum had Harry on her lap looking at the videos on her phone (which he loves doing) and I was rushing around the shop as I felt ill! There was nowhere to park so I had to park on the street and there was a bit of a walk to the shop from where I was forced to park. I got two cans of chicken soup for good measure! By the time I rushed back I was ill with diarrhoea but I didn’t tell my mum as she looked so unwell 🙁 She said I didn’t have to get the chicken soup before I left but I felt so sorry for her and Harry was busy looking at the videos on her phone. Mum said she had to eat the chicken soup there and then so I did Harry’s bath. I was in such pain in my stomach, I don’t know what the hell is the matter! I was terrified I’d get diarrhoea getting Harry ready for bed and mum was unwell and my dad was zonked out but it was ok in the end. Managed to get his teeth brushed, give Harry calpol as he was cringing a bit when his teeth were being brushed and give him his breastfeed to fall asleep!

This morning I had diarrhoea again but I am hungry and don’t feel sick!


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