I need a hug

I feel like  I have changed a whole lot in such a short time. And like I don’t know if people are adapting to it fast enough or not, and by people I mean my friends.  

Before, I used to tell people that I hated hugs. At some point I actually did hate hugs, because I just thought they were awkward and didn’t quite understand the purpose of them. 

But now something has changed. I need closure, I need a hug. 

Whenever my friends have been gone for a while, I want to just run into their arms and hug them. I want to show them how much I’ve missed them and really just show them that my life has been hell without them, which it usually has. 

But then, whenever I see my friends after a long time: They just act all chill. They have gotten so used to me hating on things like that so they just do the same as me: They be all “Hey whats up” all casual and all chill. Like hello! Show some love!

And I guess It is kind of my fault, they probably think its easier for me that way since it used to be like that. 

But whenever it comes to emotional stuff, its like my friends have built up this wall of “chill” and “no emotions allowed zone”. 

I get that I have kind of (I have) made it that way myself and now I’ll have to find a way of breaking that wall and like I dont know? Change things?

It just really sucks. In the past I have just made myself the outcast, and now that I realize I am my own problem, the people around me just keep sticking to the old bad habits. 

I built up this wall myself. Go wreck yourself, stupid wall. 

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