If You Don’t Mind

So upset 🙁

I tried SO hard to be a good friend to Catherine but it turns out she never wanted to be my friend. This ALWAYS happens to me. All those days I spent with her trying to be there for her and it was only because none of her other friends were available. I always ask how her she is and lately she’s just been completely ignoring me even though I could see she’d read my messages. I’d ask her again and no reply. I was getting rather worried and she has mentioned she is suicidal. She’d put our names down for a picnic tomorrow for single parents and I asked her twice if she was still going but no reply and when I said I was upset about it and asked her why she wouldn’t reply to me but I could see she was online she just said “Lizzie, I’m talking to other people.”

Ok so I’m obviously not part of this superior other people group. I am in a queue to know how she is and I’m at the bottom, who cares if I’m worried, I come very last and can be left worried. Basically Catherine doesn’t see me as a friend, these other people are her friends and I’m the one who is used when these other people aren’t around. Urgh. I’m sick of this I really am. I try so hard to be there for someone. So I snapped and ended it with I don’t ever want to see you & Aneurin ever again, no wonder Martin left you. I should NEVER have added the last part, but I was so SO angry. Well to be honest she has told me things like she’s thrown a bowl at her ex-partners head and it left a cut…maybe she’s not as innocent as she appears, maybe there really is more to Martin leaving her than meets the eye…maybe she was abusing Martin? She said she’d scream and swear at him in front of Aneurin…maybe Martin had enough.

Worst thing is Harry was getting very fond of Aneurin, they would play so happily together. Obviously meant nothing to Catherine though. They’d been playing together since Aneurin was three months. I’m feeling very sad and my faith in others is well below rock bottom. I feel there are no good people in this world…everyone in this life will only ever let you down. That’s all that has happened to me so far and I’m sick to death to it. I really want to just hide under a rock and not have to be friends with anyone or talk to anybody at all. I don’t trust anyone at all now. No one. People cannot be bothered with me, it’s always me that people hate and stab in the back or just ignore or forget.

Anyway I made myself take Harry to the soft play today. My mum came with me, though. Harry had a good time, he has this favourite yellow bus/fire engine ride along that he always likes to sit on…he even sometimes puts his drink in it as its seat lifts up and other toys can be put in it! Well, at least through Catherine I found a really good soft play place to take Harry to and I took Harry swimming for he first time, I really needed to do that with him! Harry (and me!) enjoy the soft play very much 🙂 Also it’s good to not go to the picnic tomorrow as I have all day to sort out what me and Harry need to take to go stay in Ali’s house on Thursday! Packing things for Harry is always a complete nightmare so it’d be good to have the whole day to do it.

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