4 days later….

Oh hi diary.     .    .    .

I know I’m bitter shit 20, 21 years on the 19th of August yep anniversary coming up. I had to attend a work colleagues wedding today. I stopped for around half an hour. What I saw was a bride having the time of her life the groom looking around for the bottles provided by themselves  to make sure they didn’t waste anything that’s what love is now. Shit it was a half empty room..

I dwelled upon this all day. I removed myself in self pity. I dwelled and fucking felt miserable.  I remembered my own wedding day. 

I didn’t want to go so much my eyes stung with tears right up to pulling up to the venue.

But I did my boss asked if I wanted to pull up and she would take my gift in…….she knows about my situation and cares, but I was  no be strong flosspots…….. I walked in said omgosh u all look so handsome and so pretty….pleasantries in the finest.

I left and cried all the way home. #brave face.

 I’m here right now alone.

I’m scared.

Of what I might do to myself. Hopefully I will pass out.

Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. (Much doubt).

I removed my screensaver of me and my husband today. We were so young me 16 him 20. Such a happy picture. 

False hope.

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