I Love You

Set off for Ali’s house in Reading on Thursday and got home today around half 3 in the afternoon. My mum, Harry and me actually all had a really good time I’m thankful to say 🙂 With all the long term problems my family has had over the past decade or two we can’t travel anywhere without some horrific drama happening, but it didn’t happen this time! Harry coped with everything so well and was really, really happy at times. He ate dinner with us all at the table every evening…my sister had to make him his favourite both nights, pasta with some cheese afterwards, but still he ate very well even though it had to be pasta the whole time :p

I love Ali’s new house, the garden is wonderful 😀 On the Friday we went for a picnic and the countryside was sooo nice! A big river, big fields, locks letting various boats travel in and out, loads of geese, cattle… 🙂 Only thing was I realised Harry didn’t have his drink and nobody knew what had happened to it so out of worry I went all the way back along the paths and fields to check Harry’s beaker wasn’t left in the car! Harry loves that beaker, he doesn’t drink out of anything else! When I was walking to the car through one of the fields I went through the gate only to be face to face with a herd of cows that were all just staring at me lol. Thought I was going the wrong way but no they had decided to move the cows. Harry’s drink was in the car btw! Also that evening we had a BBQ, while Harry had his pasta 🙂 Oh he was just so good, I’m really proud of how well Harry was in Reading.

I always feel a bit weird coming back from spending a few days somewhere…I try to do that whole thing of using a new object or objects even or a new situation to think right I can start myself new, I can change myself and not be a bad person anymore etc etc like I said when I bought a massive bunch of clothes on the internet a few weeks back. I started this diary again to feel ‘new’ and have another ‘thing’ that marks a ‘restart’ in me…and then I thought going to Reading I would change and become a better person and now I think the same coming back…know what I mean? I seem to have to feel ‘new’ again by an object or situation as I feel it’s an opportunity to change myself but really I know I don’t need something new or to restart something or go somewhere else to make a ‘new start’ for myself, you should be able to do that any minute you want…it’s just strange I feel like I need new objects or need to start something again like a diary to be able to start myself again. I even think this way playing computer games, I have to start the game again to feel new and I think I am going to do things differently and become a better person…heh I’m tired and can’t explain myself very well.

I still seem to be isolating myself an awful lot. Struggling to try to talk to anyone at all. I get like this a lot…I just struggle so much with other people, I wish I didn’t find it so difficult and too hard to cope with.

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