Thorns

I almost quit work yesterday…or got fired, either one.  I was just standing in the middle of the store for the longest time, shaking, contemplating whether I should just walk out and never come back.  I was just having a major panic attack.  I had to calm myself down which was practically impossible and just keep telling myself that I need this job.  I’ve just been a bundle of nerves lately.  I don’t know why it’s been so bad.  It just seems to be getting worse too.  I just couldn’t seem to calm myself down at all yesterday.  My whole shift I was just freaking out wanting to quit so bad.  To make matters worse, I barely spoke to Tyler yesterday.  This is the first time we haven’t really talked all day.  I’m all about patterns too.  When a pattern breaks, that’s usually not a good thing.  I was kind of talking to this other guy before I met Tyler and we used to talk everyday but when I met Tyler it eventually faded because I liked him more.  Now I feel like I’m going through the same thing just on the other side of it.  I’m probably just overthinking things thanks to my nerves but I just can’t help but think the worst.  A part of me wonders if it’s even worth it anyways if I’m just going to be nervous all the time and not even able to enjoy myself.  Luckily my friend has some extra anxiety pills I’m going to pick up today.  Then I see my doctor on Tuesday so hopefully I can sort all this shit out.  I have to work til midnight tonight and then til 1am tomorrow.  So my weekend is pretty much gone.  Not like I would have had plans anyways.  I just can’t wait for another day off. 

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