Time to let go….

It’s time I let go. It’s time you let me go. I have shown and tried to tell you how much I love you all these years. Nothing has changed, nothing has progressed. I keep hoping one day you would realize, keep hoping you would feel the same. Keep hoping you would choose me. That hope has faded….

It shouldn’t be this hard to express how much you love someone. We are more than friends and we both know it. I thought if I showed dedication and loyalty, if I just “showed” you how much I loved you through my actions, through my words, maybe you would choose me. Didn’t happen. I wanted to be the one by your side, you chose someone who didn’t appreciate you. I wanted to be the one to make a home with you, you chose someone who abused you. You didn’t know that would happen, I get that. But why didn’t you choose me? I loved you at your worst, I’ve held you at your weakest. I don’t understand….

Everything has it’s end, even life itself. I feel like I am waiting for something that will never arrive. I can’t see myself doing it for much more, it’s been years. I want so much more from us but can’t make you do anything you don’t want to.

So we can be what you want, just friends. But I am now going to behave and treat you as you want, “just a friend”. So no more bending over backwards, moving heaven and earth to make sure you are safe, to make sure you are happy. That’s up to you now.

You will be alright, those times when you disappear for a couple of days when whoever comes around. Rely on them. Because it’s painful to love you and sit back and watch you do that. I will not allow myself to feel like that anymore.

There is someone who wants to be with me, to make me hers. I am going to give her a chance. She says she loves me every time we touch. She reaches for my hand whenever they are not holding. She wants me to embrace her every chance we get. I think she loves me. She says she does. I think I am going to try to love her back. For so many years I wished it was you.

The problem is…. She is not you…..

You are the love of my life….

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