journal #4

so here it is 1:42 am and I can’t get out of my own head long enough to fall asleep. Every time I try to just lay there a new thought pops into my head, and most thoughts are useless like “what ever happened to that shirt you loved in 9th grade” or “what do you think would of happened if rose died instead of jack on titanic” but for the most part they are things that I would just much rather forget things that play big parts in my life that I would love to just sweep under a rug and forget about all together. Isn’t it funny how that works? How when you are at your most vulnerable those memories come up, when there is no one there to talk to, when you have no one or nothing but your own thoughts. It sucks but I mean it could be worse things could always be way worse. But maybe I’m already at my rock bottom, maybe the only way to go from here is up! Maybe you will actually better yourself, maybe you’ll go to school and get that career you have always wanted, Maybe you’ll finally get your own car, maybe you’ll get your own place….. scratch that last one being alone is scary. But on a serious note maybe this is it maybe now is your time? No now is your time life is just passing you by grab it and take it where you want to go better yourself do better be better. 

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