That one night

Lately, I’ve been thinking about you a lot and that one night. I honestly don’t think I drank that much but I was pretty gone or I had a huge surge of confidence that night. I often wonder if I caught you off guard when I put my arms around you like we had been dating for a while. I knew you were single. I remember hoping you might have liked me. I was talking to my now husband at that time but we weren’t anything. My friend knew that so she was trying to make sure nothing happened between us. I don’t really know why I acted the way I did that night. At the time I thought I just wanted attention and to feel wanted, but even to this day I still think about it. I think about when we were in the car and how I knew you wanted to kiss me but I turned my head away. I think a lot about how I should have kissed you. I often think about how, if there wasn’t a certain situation going on with me, what if during that time we walked to your place after the bar so I could use your bathroom, that I didn’t just get on your bed and let you do me. Would you have done that or would you have thought of me as trashy? Or when we all stayed at J’s house and after her and her husband went to bed I didn’t sneak upstairs or made you come downstairs to have sex. I know J was trying to keep us apart. She told me later that it was because she knew I was talking to my now husband and that he was a much better guy for me, but I think it was because she liked you too and didn’t really want me to be involved with you. Either way nothing happened between us after that. I ended up with my husband and now you will be getting married in a couple months. Obviously, I still think about you. When I see you it’s really hard for me to look at you and be around you because I know I like you. I wonder if you still think about that night and if you feel anything for me but I’m sure you don’t. And I’m sure you don’t even remember that night. The last time I saw you was at the fair and I hoped you were looking at me but you were with your fiancé and her kids and I’m sure you are happy. I just know that if I could go back to that night I would have kissed you and possibly had sex with you . If not that night then another night. Maybe everything would be different now but I will never know. 

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