Consumed

My world it seems is full of sadness,

caused and consumed by my own madness.

And the harder I try to just release and forget

It’s thrown in my face that it’s my own mindset.

It’s all my fault, what have I done to deserve this,

my mind tossing and turning inside this self created abyss.

I want to be happy and I want to be loved,

but it twists and it turns in my mind like it’s trying to be shoved.

No one understands the things in my head,

they would be disgusted to know how many times I wish I was dead.

Every time I think that I have won,

it comes back full force to prove it’s not done.

It’s a constant battle I live, I just to try to be glad,

but it seems sometimes I become just more than sad.

I want to win this, I want to be set free,

I want to be happy, I want to be the old me.

I’ve pleaded and begged and screamed to who ever is listening,

but it seems that my pleas are nothing more than whispering.

I have done all I know how to do to change my situation,

but my mind will only let me give small doses of sedation.

I want someone who will love and understand me,

tell me that everything will be okay and help me to be free.

Love me and kiss me, hold me tight,

keep me safe from my own mind each day and each night.

It’s not everyday that the consummation is overwhelming,

I just beg of you please, help me to keep it from being overbearing.

Please know that I try so very hard each day,

to lock it away in my mind in hopes that is where it will stay.

So if you love me just know that I am trying,

and please forgive me when for no reason I begin crying.

My mind is a place of perpetual motion,

full of love and hate and every other emotion.

Just know that even though I have a permanent dark cloud,

I will try my hardest to hide it and try to make you proud.

Working on me is an unbroken ritual, and hard as I’ve tried,

I will never let the shadows consume me as long as you promise to stay with me by my side.

CR

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