I realised today that I am my husbands carer. He is ill with a heart problem which brings with it other health problems. Gout, shortness of breath, he is almost always in pain. We have been telling ourselves that all this will change and he will get better but this last few days have shown us this is not the case. All attempts to improve his health have failed and we now realise that he will have good days and bad days but good health is a thing of the past for him.
I must admit to having felt mounting frustration at the amount of things we have become unable to do and have been on the brink of depression myself because of this. Yet today, when we discussed the situation I saw that I would have to make a life for myself within this framework and that waiting for things to change would be to waste my own life. I will do whatever I can and whatever I must to make life easier and more comfortable for him but will attempt to find interests for myself too.
So this journal is to be my record of how this works for me. I say for me as I have been living for my husband and his condition, so his life is sadly more or less set. Now though, it is time for me to have a life too… Wish me luck.