Sunday August 13th

I have had quite a week! I had something on my schedule every day. I went on 3 Bumble BFF outings and a date! The date was not good, but I met some lovely friends. The date was yesterday afternoon. The guy asked me to meet him at a bar to watch the Yankees game. This was probably a bad date idea. How are you supposed to talk to someone when you are also watching a ballgame? I supposed he didn’t intend on actually watching the game? I don’t know. It didn’t work out at all, though. He was terribly late- like more than 30 minutes late. He did tell me he would be late- it was due to traffic- he was coming in by car from Jersey- my first mistake- going out with someone from Jersey- and then we talked mostly about his work the whole time- he is a writer- he named-dropped the whole time. He didn’t seem at all interested in me. He was a little chubby, wore glasses that he kept pushing up on his nose, had on shorts, and was a little self-important. Then he left before the game was over- and left me sitting there by myself! So showed up late and left early! WTF? Whatever. One of the worst dates since moving to NYC. 

The BFF girls I met were great. I am having brunch with two of them today. I am hopeful it will go well. I really would love to have a friend group here. 

Things are getting better. Once I start getting paid again, things will be MUCH better. 

I have been working so hard on exercising this summer, and I have only lost 5 lbs since June. It is so depressing/frustrating. Why can I not drop the weight? Last year I did. I was able to get down to 122. Now, I cannot fucking lose weight to save my life. I know – I already know- that when school starts back, I will not be able to exercise as much, so I will fucking even gain back the 5 lbs I have managed to lose. Goddam. It shouldn’t fucking take 2 1/2 months to lose 5 lbs. I cannot possibly exercise more, so I have got to start eating less. I was trying to eat healthier- I hoped that would be enough, but I have to cut down my intake of food. I have 3 more weeks until school starts. I need to starve for 3 weeks so I can lose the other 5 lbs I needed to lose. I don’t let myself be hungry enough. And I cannot drink anymore calories. I love Gingerale, but no more. No more drinking calories. No juice, no alcohol. I have to stick with water. I just have to. The 5 lbs I lost has truly made me look better- I can tell a difference, but I have to lose more because I already know I will gain some back when school starts. I am going to be so busy. Ugh. I hate being fat!


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