First Journal Wassup

Okay so hi, 

I’ve decided to start a journal to gather my thoughts all in one place. After a year of being depressed because of thoughts jumbling up in my head and feeling like I had nobody to talk to, I needed to make a change.

So I guess lets start with today’s current thoughts. It’s almost midnight and I actually have to go to court tomorrow for a reckless driving ticket because I’m a fuck who almost hit a cop in my blind spot. I hired an attorney (yay $750 in the hole -_-) and hopefully this goes well for me tomorrow. But besides all that junk, I’m really anxious for school to start back up.

Coming up off the worst year of my life, I am really hoping for this year to go well. I am already feeling the doubts of my major arise again (I’m studying geology because I didn’t like accounting and took a huge shot in the dark) geology is just hard and honestly not that interesting to be honest. But I feel like I am already too neck deep in to switch my major again, so here I am. I am going to finish strong though, or at least strong enough. 

Geology aside. I’m also anxious about my boyfriend situation. I just feel like we aren’t as connected as we were during our first year of dating. The second year was so hard for me, but a lot of it had to do with my depression and luckily, he stayed with me through it all. But now I just don’t feel close to him. It feels so one sided and like he doesn’t always want to talk to me. It seems like for every five-ten texts I send, he sends one. But at the same time, am I just too dependent on my phone. Am I just being needy? I don’t fucking know. I know that I absolutely could spend the rest of my life with this guy, but it’s just so fucking scary to imagine us falling apart because of whatever reason. He’s also planning on doing grad school in Canada, so I have no idea how that’s gonna work, but its another two years before that even happens.

I know this is like the worst entry every and I feel like I’m just rambling at this point. But y’all obviously don’t know much about me yet anyways so here’s to getting better at writing these. Cheers and hopefully your life is fantastic right now. Talk to you tomorrow maybe (:

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