I feel lost.

I don’t know what to do I just feel lost in ways. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about feeling lost I just feel like no one would understand. I was bullied in school a lot over my looks mostly because I was overweight. I was different than other girls I wasn’t skinny and outgoing. I’ve never had friends because I was to afraid of what others thought about me. I kept to myself I still do I haven’t lost weight because I feel like am I even worthy even if I lost the weight. I feel like I don’t deserve happiness and it may be stupid of me to say that. I feel like it’s true I see all these other women happy. I’m not I’m twenty- two years old I dropped out of high school, no friends and the list can go on. I’m not perfect I never will be and I know no ones perfect but looking at other women. I think wow they have it all together and I don’t I still even leave with my parents. I’m not complaining but I want my own success and now I have a lot to worry about. My dads going into the hospital soon to have a defibrillator pacemaker put in. I’m scared about it I wish I had someone. I could talk to this all about I have a boyfriend but he talks badly about my family and I. I mean I will admit my family are not perfect at all they do stupid stuff or say things I don’t like. They are my family through and for him to talk badly about them or I. It bothers me and makes me upset but I’ve tried talking to him about it several times it never works. I don’t know what to do I keep thinking about so many things. My relationship, my dad, school and life. It’s just hard. I feel worthless sometimes like I can’t do anything for myself or for the people around me. My boyfriend makes me feel bad about who my family is or myself because he’s always saying have you lost any weight, did you get smaller clothes, etc. I went to see him with my family and he said he puked when he saw my brother’s daughter which is cruel because she’s only like a month or two old. I feel like if he could talk like that about my brother’s daughter how could we ever have a kid together without him being like that to our baby. I mean we’ve never had sex but I just think about those things maybe it’s weird but I do. I know i’m only twenty-two and everyone says i’m probably to young or is still a kid to be thinking about these things but I do. I’ve thought about going back to school but i’m scared i’ll be a failure and screw it up I know it’s only a online school you can do from home but I want to pass it to get my diploma. I need a life I mean with friends and a meaning in life instead of where I am now because i’m not happy I just feel lost. 

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