I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship, or something like that. I’m not physically getting hurt but mentally I feel pretty fucked up. He’s not saying anything really to hurt me, it’s more of an indirect thing. My “relationship” with Tyler has gotten pretty sour and I don’t know if it’s just all in my head. Either way, I don’t feel good about it and it’s just not fun anymore. At first it was nerve-wracking but exciting and I was almost on a high from it. But with any high comes the downward spiral which is what I feel like I’m on. It’s small things too but they’re all adding up and maybe I’m just overthinking it in my head but maybe I’m not. We don’t talk as much as we used to and he’s been flaking on several different occasions and anytime he says we should hangout (if he doesn’t flake or doesn’t even respond at all) he won’t even confirm a time or text me until late. Also, whenever I text him it takes him an average of an hour to respond. I did talk to him about it when he never responded with dinner plans we were supposed to have and he apologized and said he’s had a lot going on and his friend just died (which I sent him flowers!) and he’s been hanging out with family and friends…and yeah I get that he’s sad and going through a tough time but I don’t know why he wouldn’t just tell me that instead of just ignoring my text altogether. Then he never made any attempt to reschedule and said tonight he has dinner plans…so the more I’m thinking about it the more angry I’m getting because he’s made no attempt to reschedule with me and yet he has plans with someone else tonight. So either he’s just lost interest or that’s just how he is and those are not qualities I want in someone I’m going to be in a relationship with. Or I’m just making myself crazy. I’ve decided to go on a hike today because Monterey is just too far. That’s another thing. I’ve never wanted to take more random trips in my life. All these trips to the bay and going hiking today by myself at some place I’ve never been, I’ve never felt the need to get out so much in my life. It’s like I constantly don’t want to be here and just want to get away from all my problems. I was up all night last night just thinking about everything. I couldn’t turn my brain off and I would start to get angry thinking about some things. Maybe it’s just my period that’s making me crazy right now. Even though I’ve been taking these trips I still feel like a caged animal. Maybe I should just get rid of Tyler, because I don’t feel like I was this crazy before. Ugh, I dunno.