I have to write an email to one of the sponsors of the National Honor Society telling her which volunteering event I’ll be at school for.

It’s so nerve-wracking… how do I word it… do I just tell her that I’ll be there on Wednesday? Or do I ask if I can be there? Or… what? What. I don’t even know.

The problem with writing emails to adults is that I try to be really formal and respectful, but it’s terrifying and I’m always afraid I’ll say something rude or immature or just weird. I’m too awkward for this… just let me die… how do I contact adults and superiors when I have no idea if I’m doing anything right…

This is like that one time I had to email a school official to request an interview, and I spent a really long time agonizing over how to word my email, only for him to reply with the equivalent of a “k”.

OKAY. I’m just going to take a deep breath, rattle a short email off, and just send it so I won’t have to think about it anymore. But oh my GOD, the awkwardness of it all… Just reading it is so painful. I feel like the email should be longer, but what the hell am I supposed to even write to make it longer?! BUT okay–I–somehow managed to pluck up the guts to hit that mother-loving send button.


Honestly, it’s hard right now to be American and be proud. It’s even harder for me to be Chinese and proud. I don’t know how to feel about either country. I’m not either one, but I’m both at the same time. How the hell am I supposed to work that feeling out? It’s disappointing how neither country seems to like people like me very much–I was always a foreigner in China and now I am just a chink here. I’m always going to be either too much of one or not enough of the other. Well, mostly I’ll look too Chinese… everyone here just assumes that I don’t know how to speak English, which is probably just ignorance on their part, but still oddly disappointing. I wonder if things would be easier if I were white. It’s not that I’m trying to erase any difficulties that white people have, or claim that being white makes someone immune to bad things or difficulties, but being Asian is just so tiring to me right now because of all the unrest in this country. If I looked different, I don’t think I would be afraid of having people call me racial slurs while I walked home from school. I’d be afraid of the catcalling, still, but the racial part of it would probably be gone. It’s far too frightening to have anyone call you a chink or a ching-chong. Although if I could get rid of one form of harassment, I’d do away with the sexual type first, because that’s even more frightening when I think about what those men could do to me. At least, if they hate me for my race, maybe they won’t do anything drastic. Who knows?

It’s just sad that I have to be afraid of walking down the street alone. Sad that anyone has to be afraid of just walking and minding their own business.


glue70 – Casin. glue70 – Coral Fumes.

2 thoughts on “THE AGONY OF EMAILS.”

  1. I hope you’ve sent the e-mail now 🙂 Just remember that these adults are usually quite busy so don’t worry about an e-mail that sounds overly formal and polite, just get the gist of what you want to say in as short an e-mail as possible! That’s probably why this other guy you speak of replied with just ok, probably was just busy!

    I’m half Mexican so am quite dark and got trouble in secondary school. One boy I remember said ‘get out the way “paki”!’ and pushed me down some stairs. These people are just ignorant and judgmental and don’t even know what they’re talking about. I have noticed the sort of feud going on between America and the Chinese in the news but that’s over nuclear weapons I think, nothing to do with the cultures of either country!

  2. I understand you with emails! Although a lot of the time they answer back very casually, with smiley faces and all, which makes me wonder why I even bothered being formal in the first place. It’s still good to be formal for the first email to figure out if the other person wishes to be formal or not, but I still wouldn’t worry about it too much. Easier said than done though. But I agree with Rogue! Going for polite, but straight to the point, is a good move.

    It’s awful that racism still exists in the world. It’s a shame to know it will never actually leave and there will always be that one person that is stuck in that horrible mindset. But just know they are not worth your time, and a lot of people are working to reduce racism as much as possible! One day you’ll find a community that accepts you for who you are!

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