I have to write an email to one of the sponsors of the National Honor Society telling her which volunteering event I’ll be at school for.
It’s so nerve-wracking… how do I word it… do I just tell her that I’ll be there on Wednesday? Or do I ask if I can be there? Or… what? What. I don’t even know.
The problem with writing emails to adults is that I try to be really formal and respectful, but it’s terrifying and I’m always afraid I’ll say something rude or immature or just weird. I’m too awkward for this… just let me die… how do I contact adults and superiors when I have no idea if I’m doing anything right…
This is like that one time I had to email a school official to request an interview, and I spent a really long time agonizing over how to word my email, only for him to reply with the equivalent of a “k”.
OKAY. I’m just going to take a deep breath, rattle a short email off, and just send it so I won’t have to think about it anymore. But oh my GOD, the awkwardness of it all… Just reading it is so painful. I feel like the email should be longer, but what the hell am I supposed to even write to make it longer?! BUT okay–I–somehow managed to pluck up the guts to hit that mother-loving send button.
Honestly, it’s hard right now to be American and be proud. It’s even harder for me to be Chinese and proud. I don’t know how to feel about either country. I’m not either one, but I’m both at the same time. How the hell am I supposed to work that feeling out? It’s disappointing how neither country seems to like people like me very much–I was always a foreigner in China and now I am just a chink here. I’m always going to be either too much of one or not enough of the other. Well, mostly I’ll look too Chinese… everyone here just assumes that I don’t know how to speak English, which is probably just ignorance on their part, but still oddly disappointing. I wonder if things would be easier if I were white. It’s not that I’m trying to erase any difficulties that white people have, or claim that being white makes someone immune to bad things or difficulties, but being Asian is just so tiring to me right now because of all the unrest in this country. If I looked different, I don’t think I would be afraid of having people call me racial slurs while I walked home from school. I’d be afraid of the catcalling, still, but the racial part of it would probably be gone. It’s far too frightening to have anyone call you a chink or a ching-chong. Although if I could get rid of one form of harassment, I’d do away with the sexual type first, because that’s even more frightening when I think about what those men could do to me. At least, if they hate me for my race, maybe they won’t do anything drastic. Who knows?
It’s just sad that I have to be afraid of walking down the street alone. Sad that anyone has to be afraid of just walking and minding their own business.
glue70 – Casin. glue70 – Coral Fumes.