Thinking of a potential marriage

I thought i didn’t need a relationship but then i look back at what my parents went through and realize maybe i’d grow as a person if i got in one. I’d create a better future for my kids if i ever have them. At the same time, i don’t think i can bring myself to do it because i have tons of problems. I picked up alot of abusive traits from my father – selfishness, violence, manipulation, emotional and verbal abusive tactics, arrogance, list goes on. In a healthy relationship, you’re supposed to leave when things get abusive or if you’re partner is unfaithful for example. Unfortunately what i learned from my father was that you don’t take anything from a woman (insults, cheating, disrespect, etc.) If she cheats on you, you have to protect your pride and make her life a living hell. I need to get help to fix all that but not sure if it’s even worth it in the end

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