Being in your mind is the worst place to be. It leads to nights of no sleep, Hours of being emotional mess at work and crying at every little thing. I try not to let myself be drawn into all these crazy thoughts however they happen when I am laying in bed and its dark with nothing but a fan blowing. All you have is time to think. The one person I would call and calm these fears and tell me everything would be ok is dead. Death is a natural thing I know this. Everyone dies one day. It’s so hard to cope with. He’s been gone 7 years and sometimes it’s still hard to get out of bed. I miss him. He was my best friend. The one man who man who I looked up to. Because of him I believed in Love and Marriage. Seeing him and my Grandma love each other the way they did. It was inspiring. He looked at her 35 years into their marriage like it was the first time he laid eyes on her. Everyday he made sure she was taken care of. He worked hard to provide for his family. I have turned cold and bitter now. I just don’t see that kind if love anymore. I know it does still exist. I can not imagine loving someone for that long and then have to go to bed and waking up everyday without them being there. I have so much admiration for my grandma for living life to the fullest without her other half. She’s Amazing. So here I am rambling on and jumping from topic to topic not make any sense. heh…This could prove to be interesting. I have not had a online journal in years. Interesting to see how this goes.