Can’t deal with my breakup

SO, about two months ago my girlfriend of 4 years ended things with me, iv been having a really hard time dealing with it and have really struggled to come to grips with whats actually happened. Everyday is harder than the last, i’v heard alot how i can do better then someone who would treat me so bad and leave me feeling the way i do after everything i did for her. She was my everything, i gave my whole life to her, made her my whole world and now im without her i feel like iv lost my purpose. Many people can say you’ll move on and forget about her but how is that possible when that person was everything to you, i truly believe she was my soulmate and we where meant to be. We met online through impossible circumstances, i dont believe that things are meant to be or fate but how could this be anything but. Now i find myself feeling lost and trapped inside my own head, nothing in life matters anymore, Constantly trapped in my own head tortured by thoughts of her, what she doing or if she’s with another guy or even thinks about me the way i cant stop thinking bout her. I cant get stop thinking about her no matter what i do she doesnt leave my mind, she’s still the first thing i think about when i wake up and struggle to sleep, i just lie there thinking about her. Starting to feel like iv become obsessed and don’t know what to do, iv tried messaging her but always seems to make things worse, and my thoughts always seem to conflict. On one hand i want her to know that she’s everything to me and im always thinking about her and just want to speak to her but on the other if i dont message her does she start thinking about me and what im doing, does she want to message me but doesnt. Just want this pain to go away already, i really want her to be happy, its the most important thing to me in this world and if thats only possible without me i know i have to leave but i know that its not possible for me to be happy without her. Don’t want to be here anymore, i cant live with this pain anymore its too much. Losing my way in this world, feeling like iv lost everything, want to end this pain and not being here anymore seems like the best option. 

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