I don’t know what else to do but write….4 entries in one day. I really am beginning to scare my self. Ive had a few people message me and ask if I’m ok. Honestly, I tell them no. They all say the same thing, your strong, things will get better, you cant say things like that.
So I write.
My journal doesn’t tell me I’m ridiculous from not wanting to wake up, it doesn’t tell me I have to be strong, when that’s all I have ever been. It just listens.
I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to wake up. If I didn’t feel so guilty for the few id be leaving behind…id give up. So I suffer for them.
However, it doesn’t change the reality of my feelings. I’ll never have a family or kids, I’ll never be married, and whats having a house with none of that?
I just want to feel how I feel for a while….
I pray tomorrow, I just don’t wake up…