43. I pray

I don’t know what else to do but write….4 entries in one day. I really am beginning to scare my self. Ive had a few people message me and ask if I’m ok. Honestly, I tell them no. They all say the same thing, your strong, things will get better, you cant say things like that.

So I write.

My journal doesn’t tell me I’m ridiculous from not wanting to wake up, it doesn’t tell me I have to be strong, when that’s all I have ever been. It just listens.

I don’t want to be here anymore, I don’t want to wake up. If I didn’t feel so guilty for the few id be leaving behind…id give up. So I suffer for them.

However, it doesn’t change the reality of my feelings. I’ll never have a family or kids, I’ll never be married, and whats having a house with none of that?


I just want to feel how I feel for a while….

I pray tomorrow, I just don’t wake up…

One thought on “43. I pray”

  1. i feel exactly the same, it sucks and nothing anyone says makes anything any better. I feel like knowone understands how i feel and that you can be told things will get better all you want but what is that really going to do, to be strong and you’ll get through it. There empty words people use to try and make us feel better when the reality is they dont really know what to say or do. I just want to give up and not be here, but here i am, still going. why? we don’t know, we just keep moving forward, we deal with our pain and our own shit ourselves. so no matter what people say to you just be true to you, feel how you feel, just be yourself.

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