Anxiety and depression is like having a hateful voice follow you around. That voice knows all your flaws and uses them against you. At some point that voice will be the only voice you hear. Anxiety is lying constantly to hide the illness. It’s pretending your busy when really your just to scared to make friends. It’s choosing to being lonely rather than letting people down because your so socially fucked up. It’s not sticking up for yourself because you don’t want to draw attention to yourself. Anxiety and depression make a team and fight against you. They own you. There’s no escape. People tell me to ignore it, or just get on with it. But trust me I would if I could. Anxiety is opening your window wide on a sunny day and watching others enjoying themselves and wishing you could do the samd It’s every object whispering ‘hurt yourself’.
Medication and doctors.
I take two different pills a day. Pregablin 300mg at night and 150mg in the morning, and sertraline 200mg at night. The medication makes me sleepy, but at night it has me up. It’s helped a bit. I can travel on buses and be in a store. I still feel nervous and sick but I can do it. I can make phone calls and talk to people I know. I hope to come off my tablets at some point, maybe not for a while.. I go to the mental health hospital often to speak with doctors there. I don’t know if its helping but it’s worth the try. I hate going and I always cry after, but I feel better knowing I’m not alone. That’s why getting help is so important. I ignored my problems for so many years, I ended up hurting myself pretty bad and planning suicide.
So what do you do?
You don’t suck it up, you don’t ignore it either. You go to the doctor and you get help. Then, you learn to cope. You learn how to live with mental Illness. It sounds and feels impossible but it’s not. I can get out of almost any situation. Put me in a bad situation and I will get out fast if I don’t feel comfortable.
Any questions please ask away. Having an understanding of mental health is mind opening.
On that note…