My table that I ordered in June is finally finished and has been shipped. I don’t even care now. I am very homesick for Noah today. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I’ve been thinking about how I can use my life to help others- beyond just at my job- you know, instead of just ending my life, I should make my life matter by helping people. Maybe that is what I was supposed to do. Maybe that’s why I cannot find anyone to date. Maybe I was meant to be alone so I could do something helpful to others. I don’t fucking know. I am probably just crazy.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."