I’m in a really bad place right now.  I fucked up yet again.  I went out the other night totally spur of the moment with two of my coworkers.  We started at one place and then went to this pool hall we always used to go to on Sundays.  I ran into a couple people there I haven’t seen in forever.  One was a friend of a friend and the other was the roommate of this guy I used to sleep with but we’d all hangout at bars and stuff.  Luckily the roomie wasn’t there and he actually has a girlfriend now.  So we all were hanging out and I was drinking way more than I had intended to that night.  Drowning my sorrows more like it but at least I was having a good time.  Slowly everyone left and it was just me and the two people I had run into.  We all went back to his house and it was basically me and 4 dudes which sounds like the start of a bad porn but nothing happened.  We played beer pong and a couple of card games and went in the hot tub and my other friend left and everyone else got tired so we all went to sleep.  It was 4 in the morning when we went to sleep.  I woke up at 12 disoriented and thought it was midnight and realized it was in the afternoon and my phone was dead but luckily I had my portable charger with me.  So I was super hungover and totally missed my shift at work because my phone had died and I’m not even sure I set an alarm.  It was only a 5 hour shift and I was too hungover to have made it in anyways, alarm or not.  So my boss said we’re going to have a conversation next shift I have which is luckily not til Friday.  I don’t know if I’m getting fired or going to get a warning…I have been calling in sick A LOT lately and being late.  Another fucked up thing is I was so hungover that day that I didn’t go to my dui class and I didn’t have any more absences and couldn’t reschedule so now I’m kicked out of the program and have to start that shit ALL over again.  I’ve already been going for over a year and now I have to start from scratch.  I did throw up later in the day so even if I went to class I probably would have thrown up there and they would have kicked me out anyways for being drunk there.  I mean I don’t know what’s going on with me.  I just can’t seem to get my shit together.  I honestly can’t think about all the problems I’ve got going on right now.  There are just too many and they’re overwhelming.  I’ve gotta just tackle them one at a time or I’ll just lose it.  Other than my drinking heavily, I haven’t been doing much besides resting.  I’m either drinking now or hungover so there’s not much else left to do.  Today I’m finally getting off my ass and going on another hike.  It was peaceful last time and this time I’m going this place where they have tons of redwoods so it should be beautiful.  Of course I’m going alone because the person I want to go with is just not available to me anymore.  I’ve accepted it and I’m just trying to move on.  Hopefully going alone will give me some sort of spiritual awakening because my life right now is in shambles and I could use all the help I can get. 

One thought on “Wtf”

  1. You can do it! I know it’s hard. It’s always hard no matter what. But you need to take the bull by the horn and start charging your own path. And like you said take it one step at a time. Whatever is going on, don’t focus on all, just one and then the next and the next. Take it easy and don’t rush yourself. Also try to find someone that you can really talk to. It’s good to be alone sometimes so you can really think for yourself, but also at times, its good to have someone to listen to and even maybe get advice from. You don’t have to take the advice but its good to know that you have options. You can choose what you want and need out of life and take the steps to get there. Try not to drink if you have a drinking problem, even a little can lead to too much. You want to know that you can control yourself and know what you can take. Know when enough is enough. If you need someone to cheer you on to help you out, or just to say I Believe IN YOU!! then find anybody that is willing. I am here to help you out if you need or want the help. Don’t go to deep in your mind and drowning in sorrow. Reach out to the hands that are there for you to help pull you out. Know your responsibilities and take care of it as much as you take care of yourself!
    Hope you don’t get fired. Good Luck!

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