I feel stupid

I started at a new school this Monday, and so far I’ve been trying to stay away from my old habits. Habits like avoiding people and always running away in social situations. 

I’ve been talking to people. I haven’t been a complete weirdo and ignored every single person that tries to talk to me. I wan’t to be a part of the class too. 

But there is just something thats ruining everything and making everything alot harder than it has to be. I’m so damn awkward!! I don’t know what it is, I’m being myself as much as possible. 

For example: If someone is like saying something to me, I would reply them (obviously). BUT THEN when I do reply them, they spend like 5 seconds staring at me like I’m a complete idiot. Like, is everything I say so difficult to answer? Or Do I look so intimidating to you that you are having a hard time keeping this conversation going. 

Usually whenever this extremly uncomfortable moments come up, I just regret what I say immediatly and try to get the heck out of there as soon as possible. 

Is everything I’m saying super awkward? Like just talk to me like you would talk to any other person. Why you gotta make things so awkward. If you want to talk to me, who you know dont talk much: Dont talk to me like I’m any different from any other person. Like hello, that just makes things bad for us both. 

Or maybe It’s because I talk like I’m so… dead? Like I have a tendency to sound like I’m either falling asleep or have zero emotions. I don’t do this because I want to sound either super cool or super dull..It just comes very natural to me when I talk to new people. 

I wish I was as talkative with new people as I am with my friends. Or maybe not? When I’m with my friends I feel annoying as hell. 

Jesus christ socializing isnt my forthe, but hey I have gotten alot further than last year.


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