46. Black Out

Moving Day was an absolute disaster. Needless to say, the bare minimum got done. I reserved a storage unit that was entirely to small, and they didn’t have any the size I needed, or could afford. Tomorrow starts my weekend of doubles. Some how I’m suppose to manage to move. It’s going to be a Sunday afternoon move in between shifts. It’s bound to be a disaster as well. I’ll slowly move things until Sunday.

In the past few days a lot of people have mentioned my voice seems deeper. My Nana brought it up yesterday when I spoke with her, along with my mother today as well. I’ve noticed it a little bit, but honestly didn’t think it was that noticeable. I am not in the least bit complaining about it. Which reminds me I forgot to call the Dr’s office to reschedule my appointment. I need to find a way to get back my medical insurance….I can’t afford life let alone anymore medical bills.

Emotionally, I don’t feel much better. Honestly, there’s this emptiness inside of me. I can’t say numb, because I don’t feel numb to anything, there is simply just nothing there.

I switched yesterday. I’m not sure at what point. I realized it when I got tagged in a video on FB that I performed last night. I assumed when I woke up slightly hungover, figured I just blacked out. Which isn’t a surprise in my life at this moment. 8 out of 10 times I’m black out drunk. Sad, honestly. I’m going to get better, I just don’t want to right now. There’s really no reason to anymore.




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