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Before I go any further, I want to assure anyone who reads that that I am not going to harm myself or anyone around me.  This has been my outlet for darker thoughts, but I have absolutely no intention of hurting anyone or promoting violence in any way.  Except for punching nazis.  I totally approve and endorse that.

Ever just wish that you were in another universe, even if that universe is dark and full of turmoil?  I find myself watching a lot of future noir lets plays lately and part of me wants to exist in those worlds more than I do here.  To be able to run around at night with a baseball bat and just let shitty mobsters have it.  Of course, this isn’t realistic and life isn’t a video game.  But sometimes when I hear about vigilantes taking out repeat murderers, child molesters etc, I just smile.  I am all for prisoner rehabilitation and I do believe that child molesters can be deprogrammed (to an extent) with therapy, medication and possibly those sex dolls (would you rather it be an actual child?), but repeat offenders know what they are doing.

I once read an interview with someone who was a pedophile, but never acted on his urges, as hard as it was to not do so.  He cried, saying that every single day was a struggle because he knew that his brain was programmed incorrectly.  I don’t even see him as a pedophile.  I see him as someone who actively wants help and to be rehabilitated by any means necessary.  But the repeat offenders who continue to hurt children?  I don’t feel an ounce of remorse if they are taken out.  

The more and more I write these things, the more I realize that I’m probably going to end up on an NSA watch list or something.  They’ll be watching me as an actual trafficker gets away with what they are doing.  That’s what urks me.  The whole “watching the American people” thing while traffickers continue to kidnap children.  I’m not a paranoid person or a conspiracy nut by any means, but I find it absolutely entertaining that these rough and tumble government officials can’t seem to find anyone they are looking for.  This is what happens when the government doesn’t take the future seriously.  Now you have people who are only just hearing about the dark web when most of us knew about it from the get-go.  Vigilantes have a better sense of navigating that place.  

I couldn’t navigate it to save my life.  I tried once, just to see if I could find anything.  Didn’t even make it past the first couple of browser pages or whatever.  I’m not tech savvy at all.  Kind of a blessing in the long run.  

LATER

I had to abruptly stop typing.  My roomie wanted to hang out for a bit, and I don’t want him or my SO knowing that I have an online diary.  Neither of them are the type to pry or invade my privacy, but this is one of those things that I want to keep mellow.  

I really miss Open Diary.  I hope that this site can get more grounding so I can turn my page colors.  But I kind of like how small it is right now.  Don’t have to see tons of comments.  In fact, a lot of people basically live and let live here, which is nice. I feel bad because I’m not writing in my actual journal anymore, but now that I’m not in school and have the time to sit and write during classes, it’s harder to get motivated to write by hand.  First world problem I guess.  Maybe someday I’ll print all of these things out and bind them together into a notebook.

When I was in high school, I would keep spiral bound notebooks and cut out things, taping them into the notebook.  The spines would get so heavy that they’d break apart, but it never stopped me.  To be honest, in a weird way, I miss high school.  Only because of being able to listen to lectures and just write the whole time.  It was nice.  But now that I’m an adult, my desk is riddled with projects and deadlines.  I have to finish an entire commission by tomorrow that I have no want to really do.  The gig doesn’t pay, but it’s for an event that I work and sell my wares at, and I get to keep 100% of profits with no fees.  

 

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