48. —

This work weekend is killing me, 3 doubles back to back.  Not to mention my lack of sleeping and nurisment. One of my checks will be super short, I called off Monday because I was having a break down. I sat in my living room on the floor and cried for hours alone, then cried for 2 hours on the phone with my Nana. Then it all just  turned off….that empty feeling set in. 


I got a text message she’s talking to someone, and I swear the last bit of me died. I can’t be mad, I did this. I’m just confused, a week ago we slept together, she told me she can’t even look at anyone else buy me. Then 3 days after we have sex she goes and visit some guy….kind of fast…

I tried to have someone fill the void….but I couldn’t even do it. A few weeks ago I could flirt with that girl, begin mg escape route because I’m to scared of commitment. Now all I want is to have that terrified feeling in the pit of my stomach if it meant she’d hold me and tell me she’ll always be there. 

I broke a stack of bowls and work and got smacked in the eye by a stray piece of glass, now my eye is so damn irritated. Just my luck. I really pinched the nerve in my back. This pain is really unbearable, I can’t get outta bed, or even get up from sitting. Guess it’s that time to find a chiropractor. 


I can’t seem to stop the thoughts. The ones swirling around in my head I just don’t want to do this….life thing anymore. It’s literally every thought I have at the moment. 

I’m trying to write as much as I can, hoping it’ll make me feel better, help me let go…but it’s not. 


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