Saturday August 26th

I walked at the park yesterday morning and then went to my school to work on my room. I got the 3 big bulletin boards done. I didn’t have enough fabric to do the 2 remaining small ones, so I ordered some more yesterday and will do those last 2 when I get the fabric. I am still waiting on the teacher that was in the room last year to get her stuff out so I can put my stuff away in the cabinets. Several people that work at my school stopped in yesterday to speak to me. I think this is going to be a good fit. I did like the little girls I worked with last year, but the admin sucked at that school and there was such a bitter divide between the old staff and the new staff. The admin also liked to yell at teachers first and ask questions later. And, that assistant principal that was over science was in love with one teacher, so she did no wrong no matter what. She will always get the best room, best schedule, best everything and everyone else will suffer because of his prejudice. I truly am better off out of there. My new principal seems not only really smart but WAY more level headed and unlikely to yell and curse in anyone’s face. I don’t suppose I can really know what it will be like to teach there until I get into it, but I am optimistic that it will be a good place.

I deactivated my OKC account. My new friends say there is nothing but weirdos on that site. They both use Bumble. I am not having much luck there. I went on that one date with the fat writer and he deleted me from Bumble afterwards. Whatever. He was 40 minutes late for the date and then left me sitting there at the end. Not to mention he was on his phone throughout the date. And HE deleted me. Alrighty then. 

I started talking to another Bumble guy last night and he asked me if I had an accent. I said yes. Then I said everyone has some sort of accent, and he argued with me! I then gave the example of how New Yorkers pronounce water “wooder” and he said no that was Maryland! Um, I believe I have a hundred New York kids ask me if they can go get a drink of wooder every damned day, and I am 100% sure that Neil DeGrasse Tyson, a native New Yorker says wooder. What the hell? Why would he argue with me about that? I texted, “We haven’t even met and you are arguing with me. I don’t think this will work.” What an asshole. Everyone has an accent. Even if it’s only distinguishable as an American accent, it’s still an accent. Duh.

I am beginning to consider the idea that I am just not meant to find a relationship. I am meant to be alone for the duration. That idea is one of the reasons I have been considering the foster parent plan. If I am never going to have a relationship- and I don’t feel bad about this, I’m not saying this feeling sorry for myself, I just think that might be how it is for me, maybe I can do something good with my life like help foster kids. I don’t see how I could possibly do that in NYC because I don’t make enough money for a 2 bedroom apartment so that a foster kid would have a place to live. I really only imagine the foster parent idea would work if I moved back to Kentucky. If I move back to Kentucky, I would have to live pretty isolated. Just focusing on my job and taking care of the kids I was fostering. I would have to be back there a school year saving up money to be able to buy a house and doing the foster care training before I could actually have the kids. I don’t know if that’s just a crazy idea. I feel like I could be doing more with my life than I am now. I am just spending most of my time alone. 

Later, that same day…

I set up a Go Fund Me account for my foster home idea. I have decided that if I had the money, I would really do that, so I’m putting my idea out there for the world. If my Go Fund Me gets funded, I will move back to Kentucky, buy a house, and become a foster parent. If it doesn’t get funded, I can’t do that. What I can and will do is start saving money when I start getting paid again. I will try to work extra every week when school starts to earn extra money- I will try to make as much as I can and save as much as I can. When the school year ends, I can see how I’m doing, both mentally and financially. If I still want to do the foster care thing, I can move back to Kentucky- I still wouldn’t be able to start right away, but since rent is cheaper there, I could save more money- maybe save for another school year, and then I might have enough. I don’t think I would be able to save enough to run a big place like in my Go Fund Me idea, but I could buy a small 3 bedroom home and maybe take in 2 kids at a time. Right now, I’m so broke I can barely take care of myself, though. Going all summer without a real paycheck has been rough. If I hadn’t gotten that 3,000 back from my cancelled surgery, I would not have made it. Right now, I’m living on my credit card as it is. If I can work a lot of extra time this fall, maybe I can at least get myself back on my feet. I am hopeful I will get a tax refund so that I can pay off a chunk of the credit card debt at one time. I honestly think life is so unfair that there are rich, rich, rich people in the world that don’t give a thought to helping anyone but themselves, and the only thing keeping me from helping others is being broke. 

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