Maybe i’m not meant to have anything

I feel like no matter what i do or what i say or how i look it will never be good enough and i’m trying to just smile through the pain but it hurts and sometimes i just break down and cry and/or have panic attacks And at this point i’m fine with the idea with dying. I’ve strarted smoking weed because its fun for me and my friends but no one knows its really to cope with the fact i feel like no one loves me or that i will never do anything with my life or that well i wish to die  in general and maybe thats why i just i don’t know i just don’t know what to do and i’m back in a bad place in my life where i just. . i just want to cut all over again and my life sucks.

My mom got mad at me for no liking a picture enough to hang it up in my room and she just started freaking out and she’s always mad all of the time but i don’t know why and that really stresses me out and half the time i can’t even tell what the hell she is mad at and i just can’t and like. My first day of school was today and I’ve already had a panic attack and cried my eyes out and i still am i feel empty and no one can help me and i mean. . .do i even want help do i even need help, (As i’m typing this my mom is screaming about some peanut butter and claiming she is never buying anything for the house again) I don’t know what i want or need or what i do to deserve anything. . . was i meant to have anything at all

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