The Boy I can’t get over

This is something that has been on my mind for a very long time now. It is something I wanted to write about in hopes that it would help me deal with it and it would get out of my thoughts. Excuse my grammar and writing style, but I am not trying to be grammatically correct here. And besides, English is not my home language but it is my communication language of choice. it is just easier that way.

But I met this boy in 2015. Well, I did not ‘meet’ him, I met him online. On Facebook. He messaged me first. Which was odd for me cause he was so damn gorgeous and look like a potato. Well anyway, we started talking and eventually moved over to Whatsapp. Our Conversations were really good. We talked we talked for hours and days on end. He was such a good listener and could hold a conversation really well. The more we talked, the more I grew to like him. The more I grew to like him, the more I started to fall for him. And he was really beautiful as well.

In our talks, he told me that he was top. I’m versatile, but I was leaning more to being bottom at that time. That worked out well for me that he was a top. So eventually our days of talking turned into weeks. I am really not sure of how long we talked. I have no memory of that and I also don’t know when we started talking. So thank God for Facebook for keeping our messages so that we can go back to them.

But with most online conversations, it eventually dries out and you start talking less. So one weekend, I invited a guy over to come hang with me. This guy’s intention was to hook up with me cause that’s the whole reason he came over. We did not know each other or have met before that time. So we hung around the mall for the while. Walked around and eventually sat on a porch next to a bar. We were talking and I told him that we should go somewhere. He had a car and I do not have a car. He asked where I wanted to go and I suggested we go to Wade.

Oh sorry, I did not tell you the name of the guy this whole story/journal entry is about.His name is Wade M. I don’t want to say his surname cause I am not sure if I am going to make this post public or not.

So anyway, I suggested we go to Wade. I have no idea what the name of the guy is we I was at that time. LOL. I know, I am terrible but he did not interest me that much. When I said we should go to Wade, I did not give him the full history of me and Wade. I just told me that Wade was my friend and he really wants to hang with us.

The whole reason why Wade and I did not meet up that point was that we stayed too far from each other. well, not that far if you think about it, but it was far from people who did not have their own car. I got have taken public transportation, but that would have been too much for money and trouble for me. I was still young and inexperienced in taking public transport and that time.

So I spin the guy I was with the story that Wade is my friend and Wade really wants to hang with us. But that Wade stayed a bit away from me and we don’t see each other that often. The guy agrees to that we could go to Wade. 

Now, I have no idea how much I  and Wade were talking at this point. I don’t know if we were still as close. But I messaged Wade and asked him if I can visit him. Wade said yes and we were on our way to Wade. Well we were not on our way LOL. I had to go bakc to my dorm and freshen up. I wanted to look perfect for Wade. Wade was so special to me at that time and I wanted to make sure I look perfect for him. So I was fixing my hair, sprayed cologne, made sure my makeup looks not visible and that my clothes were fixed. I spend so much time fixing myself, they guy I was with asked if Wade was my boyfriend and why I am putting so much effort in my appearance. I just nervously laughed and said I take pride in my appearance. I stopped at that point cause I did not want him to be too suspicious. 

We got in the car and were on our way to Wade. The ride was fine. We did get a bit lost though cause the GPS my friend had was not being clear with the directions. I eventually pulled out my phone and used Google maps.

But I have to tell you how fucking nervous I was!!! I was so fucking nervous. I had so many thoughts going through my head and I was scared AF. How would he react to me seeing me in person? Am I good looking enough? I’m too ugly for him to take interest in me. Will he like me?  All of these thoughts were mostly coming from my own insecurities about myself and my appearance. I told myself to breathe and just calm the fuck down. It was night, so with the right lighting, I would look good.

We came to the house that Wade was at. He was not at his own house at that time. I think he was with his aunt or something. So and this guy was standing in the street that Wade was in. I told him to come out outside cause we were not sure of which house he was in. As we were waiting for Wade to come out, my fucking heart was ripping out of my chest. This was fucking intense. I think this was the first time I EVER met up with a guy. This was in 2015 so I was 20 at that time. I also have not….. I wanted to say that I had not had my first kiss at that time, but I remembered that I had my first kiss just a few weeks before that. But the point I am trying to make is that I was very inexperienced with guys at this point.

So as we were waiting in the street, Wade came out of the house. Holy fucking Shit! God, he looked beautiful. He was the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. Now, this might have been cause I was in love with him that I am saying this, but no one can deny that Wade is fucking Gorgeous. 

He came out and got into the car. Frist impressions; he is very uhm… LOL, I don’t know how else to put it. He has very feminine mannerisms and has this kinda bitchy tone in his voice. But I liked that. The more he talked, the more I more I wanted to be with him. He is not what I expected, but I mean, who ever is?? But I really liked him in person. I think my feelings for him over powered the things in his personality that I would find somewhat annoying in other people.

We were sitting in the car and we were deciding on where to go. Wade said that he wants to bring a friend along so that he does not feel alone or awkward. If he only knew that me and the guy I was with, only met up for the first time that day also.

And please don’t feel sorry for the guy that was driving us. He is a douche and was only after sex. So I don’t even feel bad for using him in that. And he had a good time anyway as you will see later in the story.

During all this time we were deciding on where to go, I did not notice Wade looking much at me. And that kind of made me feel kak (bad). He might have looked at me when I was not looking.

We picked up Wade’s friend and were on our way to Grandwest. Grandwest is a casino here in Cape Town. It’s literally the place every kid has gone to, but not me. Since I am so late to everything in life. So this was my first time going to Grand West.

I am going, to be honest with you, this is the fucking 3rd time I have to type this next paragraph/ section of the story. I keep accidentally closing the tab and the journal does not save my fucking notes.

As we were getting out of the car after we parked it, Wade said that he was getting cold. It was quite chilly that night and I was getting a bit cold as well. I am a very cold person so I would get cold even in the summer. But I had a hoodie on that night, Wade did not. I gave him my hoodie. At this point, I was so in love with him, I would have done anything for him. I gave him my hoodie even though I was getting myself.

At this point, I have always considered myself to be a bottom when it came to guys, but with Wade, it felt different. He made me realize that I am actually versatile cause he brought out the top in me. All of the sudden, the way I acted or behaved myself changed. It was as if I have become more, dare I say, “manly”. 

But I am like this in general. I am very versatile when it comes to life as well. I can adapt myself to any situation. That’s why I act differently around different people. 

So we went into Granfwest and walked around there for a while. While we were walking around, I and Wade would talk here and there. We took some pictures. At some stage, Wade told me, “You would make the perfect boyfriend” 

Hearing him say that, made my whole fucking year. It felt so good hearing him say that. 

Wade and I decided that we wanted to be alone so we went our separate way from the other two. The other two were not happy though. I think at this point, the guy I came with knew that Wade and I were a ‘thing’. But I don’t think he cared because he was more interested in Wade’s friend than me at this point. That’s why I said that I don’t feel bad for him. The way he was flirting with Wade’s friend was fucking hilarious because Wade’s friend was not interested him at all. I might as well tell you at this point that Wade’s friend name is Ziyaad.

Ziyaad was actually really good looking though. But I was not interested in him. It’s funny how everyone just fades in the background when you only have eyes for one person.

So Wade and I went our separate way. We started talking and we both agreed that we need to find a place where it is just me and him alone and no else around us. We wanted to go to the toilet but it was too public. We saw that there was a Disabled toilet next to the regular and nobody was using it. So we decided that we were going to go in there. Don’t judge us please LOL! We were really excited to see each other and we wanted to be alone.

We went to the toilet and closed the door behind us so no one can come in. As soon as we locked the door, we were in each other’s arms. We made out like heavily! It felt so good to kiss him. It felt so good to hold him and grab him tightly while we made out. Things got so heated, at some stage he jumped on me and wrapped his legs around my waist while I held his ass up under my hands.

There was another point in the make out session where pushed him against the wall and pressed his hands up above him against the wall. He tasted so good.

One thing you have to know about Wade is that he is very slim and light. So it was easy for me to overpower him and press him against myself and the wall. I am also taller than him. 

We ‘grinded’ against each other and felt each other’s crotches through our respective pants. 

It was so fucking hot. I don’t how long we made out or we stopped. Things never got sexual though.

We got out of the toilet and walked around for a bit. I then suggested we go the bar. Now, I don’t drink and we were not planning on drinking either. We just thought the bar would be a cool place to hang out for a bit.

As we sitting at our table, I pulled his chair closer to mine and cupped his hands in mine. He was hesitant cause there were people around us and they were starting to look. I told him not care about people and just to focus on this moment with me.He was really nervous though. We talked for a bit and he expressed his concerns about Him and me together.

Ok, I forgot to mention one important detail about this whole thing. Wade was in a relationship at the time and I knew about it……….

Will continue when I get home 


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