Another completely horrid day. My mum and dad are never in the same room together…to the point that all of this morning and early afternoon mum stayed upstairs on her own. Dad was in the living room with Harry and me and clearly my mum wouldn’t even come down to be with Harry. Right now my dad is in the conservatory in the complete darkness…my mum is in the living room. Harry is fast asleep on my bed and I have my laptop here in my room. At least Harry and I are always together. I noticed a couple of days ago mum ditched all her wedding rings and still isn’t wearing them. My dad is still wearing his. I’ve text my older sister saying I can’t cope living here in this house anymore but she hasn’t even bothered to reply, I text her yesterday night.
My mum was limping a lot this morning. The chemotherapy she had has left her with peripheral neuropathy and it seems to affect her feet a lot. Still I’m suspicious that she was limping all morning then suddenly drives all the way to her friends house and spends a couple of hours there. She’s not limping when she returns. But then starts limping again not half an hour on her return to the house.
I want to leave this house so much. I need to leave. I can’t stand it here any longer, I’ve been here 29 years being poisoned by my dads illness that only ever gets worse and now I’m being poisoned by my mum’s cancer and all the health issues it has left behind. I have no one to talk to or turn to. My parents are just so ill and distressed and spend all their time hiding away from each other, all of us in separate rooms…nah I have literally no one now.
“I can’t stop the rain
But I can stop the tears,
I can fight the fire
But I can’t fight the fear.”