Too many firsts

today is my first day at a new school and it is my senior year, I am still not sure how I feel about either one. I am in period 3 (block C I think they call it) and I am already very lost. I went from a school with 650 kids in just my grade to 17 so I feel like¬† I really stand out. it is really nice to be noticed but it is intimidating when everyone knows so much abut me already. I have made a few friends but not everyone bothers to talk to me. Considering how small it is everyone already has their set friends. With that being said there are some who are trying to make me feel welcome but also those who are already spreading rumors about guys liking me. better than the rumors going on about me at my old school. Theyre saying me getting raped did not happen and I’m lying I just don’t want to be slut shamed. I even lost my best friends. She refuses to talk to the cops to help me because I couldn’t be there for her the way she wanted me to be because of my recent attack. she ended up saying nasty things to me saying people hate me and she doesn’t care about talking to the cops because she doesn’t owe me any favors… I was raped and she was a witness! this is going to trial! Her story does not add up to the cops I guess and considering shes the one I went to the party with and the one who took me away from it shes the main witness. if we cant use her story the trial will be much more complicated and her statement that is not correct will also ruin the trial more. like fine you can feel like you don’t owe me anything and I get it is hard to talk about my rape when she was raped soon after but if the cops are constantly calling her it is important she obeys them. I have to keep telling the story because taylor wont. I need her to pretend to give a shit so I can get this guy off the streets so I can feel safe. she claims I did not try to be there for her, I continued to text her but I was not allowed to make phone calls. She barely replied to my texts anyways. I invited her over to my house and she ended up blowing me off to party and get drunk with girls who bullied me and a guy who had sex with me just to get back with his ex a few days later. I need support, I need a friend too but if I cannot go out I do not deserve to be punished for not seeing her. she punishes anyone or makes them feel shitty if their parents wont let them go out. she just wants you to lie or sneak out but we have motion sensors and a tracker in my car, and considering I just got raped I’m not up for going out much. also my other best friend maddy, also taylors, left for boarding school this weekend. I spent time with her to say goodbye and taylor couldn’t even bother to text her goodbye. maddy will come home on weekends but we can only see her every few weeks because her parents are divorced and there is more she has to do than just see me or taylor weekly. she has two days home only one full day, that’s a big change. Like if u cant bother to say goodbye at least wish her luck on her first day of school. she couldn’t bother to wish me one either tho, in fact she barely asks me anything about going to my new school. she is just pissed I am no longer in the same school as her. I understand she is hurting but I am too, I am just not able to go out much while she lives with her grandmother who has Alzheimer’s. If shes hurt she needs to speak up, I did to her and she just said I was bitching her out when really there are serious issues going on and she cant even bother to read my text let alone reply. it makes me pretty sad that this happened. I wish I knew why she hates me now, why so much of my last school is turning on me, I guess I wont know. taylor changes friends so quickly but I figured I would last longer, that she wouldn’t turn on me. I guess I’m just hurt. I need support from some where and I am not really getting it at home so I figured I could count on my friends… oh well! I am making new ones here at my new school and I am so glad they do not know about my past, they can all get to know me on their own instead. idk if ill ever actually tell them, I like starting over, not being judged or harassed for things people have been doing for years. people suck overall, I think I find ones that don’t or wont until they turn on me like everyone seems to end up doing.

Leave a Comment: