I am turning 16 soon and i used to cut myself. i feel the need to cut myself to release all my emotions….when i do, i feel so much better. I started cutting my wrists when i was a little younger and stopped a few months ago.
But recently with more things happening i wasn’t able to control my emotions at all. The only way that i could let them out is through cutting. I usually do it when i feel that i am worthless, not worthy to live, no one cared about me, feeling alone, no one could understand me. I dont think of killing myself, i just think about feeling better….and it works. I know thats not a healthy way to express my feelings but its the only way that feels good.
However i stopped and think when i cut myself or hurt myself in any other way, it tends to leave a mark or a scar of some kind. Generally these marks freak the hell out of other people. What if I trigger someone else with my wrist and arms full of cuts and scars?
I pretended like I was fine since i was 13, I was not okay. Even then I pushed it aside and pretended it was all fine. It got really bad at one point and I ended up cutting myself. This year was the toughest year i had, it made me want to stay in my room and hide from the world. I would have some good days but I would have more bad days. It became a downward slope from then; starting with a few months of me being depressed and ending in me spending every waking second wishing I didn’t. I felt so empty inside, emotionless yet so emotional. Until now, i am fighting a battle…against myself…