Worthless Hidden Scars

I am turning 16 soon and i used to cut myself. i feel the need to cut myself to release all my emotions….when i do, i feel so much better. I started cutting my wrists when i was a little younger and stopped a few months ago.

But recently with more things happening i wasn’t able to control my emotions at all. The only way that i could let them out is through cutting. I usually do it when i feel that i am worthless, not worthy to live, no one cared about me, feeling alone, no one could understand me. I dont think of killing myself, i just think about feeling better….and it works. I know thats not a healthy way to express my feelings but its the only way that feels good. 

However i stopped and think when i cut myself or hurt myself in any other way, it tends to leave a mark or a scar of some kind. Generally these marks freak the hell out of other people. What if I trigger someone else with my wrist and arms full of cuts and scars? 

I pretended like I was fine since i was 13, I was not okay. Even then I pushed it aside and pretended it was all fine. It got really bad at one point and I ended up cutting myself. This year was the toughest year i had, it made me want to stay in my room and hide from the world. I would have some good days but I would have more bad days. It became a downward slope from then; starting with a few months of me being depressed and ending in me spending every waking second wishing I didn’t. I felt so empty inside, emotionless yet so emotional. Until now, i am fighting a battle…against myself…

2 thoughts on “Worthless Hidden Scars”

  1. Heyyyyy, you’re in no way worthless and not worthy to live!!! You’re here on earth, in this world for a reason and a purpose!! I know it’s not easy to stop once you’ve started (because I’ve been there), but it hurts to see you suffering and harming yourself There are many people out there who love you as you are! If you ever want someone to talk to, I don’t mind listening! (Can drop me a DM on IG hehe)
    You are loved, treasured, and precious!!

  2. I never really understand how cutting and harming your own body makes you feel better. Why not try a different approach, rather than ruining your body?

    Like, go for a walk, listen to music, read a book, flip through tumblr, watch funny videos, colour something or paint.

    If it’s really bad, vent about it on here or write it out on paper.

    I have been depressed before, thinking that I was no good for this life and that I was not pretty enough or skinny enough. I never harmed myself because that was not gonna make my life any better?

    What actually helped me is doing things I love or hanging out with the people I love.

    That is so much helpful than being alone, feeling bad about myself and cutting at my arm when my body doesn’t deserve that. I changed because I told myself that I’m put on earth for a reason, and that reason is to not feel bad about myself, but to enjoy life and the little things.

    You need to understand that you are valuable and worth everything. You are put on this earth to do extraordinary things and to enjoy life. I understand that you may be going through hard times here and there, everyone does, but we get through them. That makes us a better and stronger person.

    Don’t you dare waste your life to something like this. Being depressed is all in the mind. You can easily change that. I have and I have had friends to pass through it also. Living life to the fullest. Being sad and feeling emotionless is not worth your precious life.

    Wake up with a changed mindset. You don’t have to feel this way forever. That is honestly your choice. Put away the blade, and instead sketch something or paint. have a cup of coffee or tea, cook yourself a good breakfast. You can and will get through it.

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