55. The Pups

Dakota has to sense that something is off within me. For over a week now she has been glued to my side. Anyone that has come over, MB, my brother, my mother, have all been here and she has freaked out if any of them even try to hug me. Mb came to help me moved all the rest of the small things last night, Dakota is very familiar with her, was fine the whole time she was here until she went to leave last night. I have never seen Dakota have a barking fit the way she did. Her fur stood straight up, I swear if I let her continue she would have began foaming at the mouth. Dakota did the same thing when I tried to hug my brother and my mother good bye before they left. Lola and Tuxedo must be feeling it to. All of them HAVE to be touching me, or within eye sight of me. One of their favorite things to do once out of the cage, is run to mess with the cat. Yet none of them book it up the stairs when I let them out. They dart out, run directly back to me, then sit there looking at me, panting and wiggling like they could run for days. I go up stairs they immediately follow, same if I travel down stairs. God forbid I try to run to the car if I needed something. They claw at the door like something inside is trying to rip them to shreds. I really hope they adapt quickly to this move, and mingling them with the animals at my mothers house goes smooth.


Last night once MB and I returned from my mother house, we smashed some Rally’s talked a little, but within a few minutes, I was so tired, she left I showered, and passed out. I must have been much more tired then I thought. I slept through 9 alarms this morning, and completely slept through this mornings Shift. How wonderful…It irks me because I only work this job two days a week as it is. However, I got a call about another job yesterday, so at some point I’ll be calling her back. It’s not ideal, but its management position, and a lot more money then I’m making now. I really need to find something long term, decent paying, and with benefits. So the search is on.


I suppose its that time of year to close the windows at night. I’m feeling a touch under the weather. I can’t be entirely to mad because other then a few small colds, I haven’t really been sick this year. Which is odd, I have a terrible immune system, being deathly ill is a usual for me. Small blessings I suppose. I do love this weather, sweats and hoodies. None of that dreaded, you’ve been in sweats for days, in the middle of summer, what’s wrong, bullshit. I’m getting there, I’m figuring it out. Usually I just find someone to spend my time with, to distract me. The thought of someone laying next to me makes me sick, Literally nauseas.  There’s a desperation of wanting thoughts pertaining to her gone, then there’s a urge to hold on to anything I have left.

Last night while moving I came across the scrap book she made, flipped a few pages and smiled like an idiot. One tear streamed down my check, before I knew it I slammed the book shut, then swiped the stack of boxes over. We we’re so happy. We were perfect. What.Did.I.Do.



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