Hallucinogenics

I don’t know why people bother to pay or hassle through the trouble of finding ways to get hallucinogens because all you really have to do is deprive yourself of sleep for a couple days.  This is the second damn night I haven’t slept and I feel like shit.  I normally have no problems but for some reason lately I haven’t been able to shut my brain off.  I just keep thinking about problems and all this random shit going on in my life.  I feel like I could start hallucinating soon.  I know that your body just shuts down into this thing called micro sleep if you’re tired but trying to stay awake and I’m worried it’ll happen on my long drive to work.  Although the next few days I’ll be staying at my friend’s house and she lives a little closer.  I’m sure tonight I’ll get some sleep because we’re planning on going out and getting a few drinks (if I can stay awake) and usually the alcohol will calm my nerves into getting some rest.  Oh yeah so last night I finally saw Tyler.  After what, a month and a half or something like that?  Btw, my brain is totally not working today because I’m so tired so this entry could sound like complete nonsense.  So yeah, after much sexual buildup, almost as soon as I stepped in the door he started attacking me.  He asked if I wanted to say hi to his dad first which actually was kind of nice because that should mean he doesn’t bring a ton of bitches around…or maybe his dad is just fine with it? But they do seem like sweet people and he kept telling Tyler to feed me.  Anyways after that we went into his room and he basically ripped my clothes off and went at it right away.  It was pretty nice but a couple things happened.  For one he kept stopping or pausing because he said he was really sensitive (because he hadn’t masturbated or anything) and for another he stopped at one point and asked me if I had slept with anyone else while he was still inside me!  I mean talk about catching a person off guard.  Also, why wouldn’t you ask that beforehand not during?  I was so caught off guard but of course I said no.  I don’t owe him any explanations about what I do since we’re not officially together.  He said he hadn’t and he swore on his dead friend.  I actually believed him because who would swear on something like that and also he was about to bust in like 2 minutes and he’s not usually like that haha.  So afterwards we talked a bit and got caught up with stuff going on and for now it reassured me that he has been telling the truth about him being stressed and having a lot going on…but at the same time I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to pursue a relationship with him because every time he has school or a lot going on at work or he’s stressed about some other thing he’s just going to completely shut me out.  So for now he’s just going to be another dude in my life but nothing special.  I probably won’t get to write for awhile since I’ll be at my friends house but I’ll for sure have a lot of stories about this weekend.  I also have something to get off my chest but now is not the time to get into it.  I’m way too tired to get into that right now.  It’s time for me to pack and get ready for work if I can stay awake.     

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